I’m trying to write a space poem, or a poem of the universe, or a poem of love, or something like that. But it’s slim pickings. I feel the power of intentionality. When I lived in Copenhagen my mind was set on poetry and living and music and people. I wrote every night. My Document of Poems was at least doubled during that year. I kept at it some when I moved back, but ever since I’ve been living on my own I’ve found it hard to write any poetry that I’m really content with. Copenhagen was aided by my love for a friend who is the most poetic person I’ve ever come across. Our texts back and forth was one long line of poetry. I can’t trick myself into getting into that mood without some other person to bounce off of. I need the inspiration of conversation, and conversation like that is just so rare. We probably burned up. Isn’t that what they say about fiery love? We had a fiery poetry love for each other, and late nights, early mornings and cross-country train rides gave us the conversations of a lifetime in an 8-month span.
Now, living alone and on my MA in Philosophy, my mind is set on that. I’ve never been more tuned in to an educational project than I’ve been these past months. And it’s great, I love it. I’ve somehow found my niche in the midst of all these topics that I could have thrown myself into. I’m the only one who has set out on a political route, and I’m going to tear down the establishment (of course)!
But still, I wish I could wrap my mind around a few poems, or get back to working on the novel I started writing. There are some really good scenes in there, but I was suddenly overwhelmed by the workload for class and the novel drifted from my mind. I need better time management, however fiercely I’m against all that. I read an article about how we can see our days as 100 10-minute blocks (of time being awake), and we need to figure out how best to allocate them. How many blocks for food? How many for cleaning? How much time for reading and writing? How much for netflix and games? How much for snapchat? My snapchat allocation is definitely too high!
I find myself doing nothing, just dozing off without even relaxing, way too often. I need to somehow make all that time count. I need to, not necessarily plan better but, be better at saying to myself: what are you doing? Could you be doing something more valuable to you right now? I’m pretty sure my answer would be “yes” 80+% of the time.
I just cleaned my apartment, and I’ve had breakfast. Next up is taking a shower and then starting the day FOR REAL. I’ve already spent a bunch of blocks being lazy, lying around in bed thinking and not thinking. But I’ll give myself a pass today. It’s Sunday, for crying out loud! I’ll just pad myself on the back for actually spending some time trying to convince myself to spent my time better from now on.
Read, write, socialize!