There’s this idea of a balancing of energy in my mind. It has been there for as far as I can think; some notion that there’s an alignment of energy in the universe, so that whenever I use more energy, someone else has to use less. I used to use it as a bad excuse for not getting a job, because my sister had three or four jobs. There was hardly energy left for me to also have a job. I’m not sure I’ve ever really believed in this idea – more used it as a talking point, a way to get out of things or to make others feel better. But now I seem to have been hit by a more fundamental versions of this idea in my real everyday life. Since the new semester has started, I have been absolutely on top of things, being as prepared as it gets for every lecture, doing the small extra exercises, all in all being a student’s student. But it has derived me of my energy for the thing I like doing best: writing poetry, writing fiction, writing blog posts, even. My head has been so empty come the close of day, after putting all my energy into my studies. My brain has been completely philosofried. So, naturally, I have to start cheating myself. I need to find a way to believe that I have unlimited energy reserves at my disposal, ’cause I don’t want to be less prepared for my lectures, but I also really don’t want to forget all about writing the things that I want to write.
I could write you a letter. But I don’t have your address. That might be fun. I haven’t written you one in ages. I always think about doing it for your birthday, but I had enough sense to not do it while you were with your boyfriend. Now you’re not. Now I might. It’s always great to have someone to write to. That’s what really gets me going.
I don’t have too much else to say, I’m afraid. I’m really happy about being back to philosophy, but as I said, it drains me of my energy. And I spent altogether too much time making lunch today. I did make a great chili con carne though. And I listened to Frank Ocean’s new album for the first time. Seems like a wonderful lovemaking-album. I think I’ll just go to bed now. Sunday tomorrow. I don’t have any plans. The weather is going to be frickin hot. I’ll start off by reading a text for the coming week. Then I’ll do something of artistic importance. Be that see someone or go somewhere. I don’t know. I’ll do great. Tomorrow will make me a better person.