Borderline misery.

Remind me to pull through. On days when the world is too big and too grey and too small and too bright, remind me to pull through. Tell me there’s a new day tomorrow that’s worth waking up for, and dreams tonight that are worth falling asleep for. Tell me there’s still obtainable beauty in the world when everything around me seems so very unattainable. I just need to hear your voice, after having fled all other voices throughout the day. I just need to stare into your green, green eyes and see that all I hold dear is still right here. I just need you so much closer than this. And I want to be 16 again. And I want to be 35. And I want to be at a place in time where I feel alive. Do you still remember our future agreement? The one that made me put my whole life on hold; the one that’s still got its hold on me. Whenever I’m writing a song, you’re both the words and the melody. Passing through me, passing time. Clearly I haven’t let go, otherwise I wouldn’t be here now. Why can’t you just be here now. So many days like this. Have only put 20 spoken words into the stream of human noise. So many days like this, where I don’t speak to no one. So many days where all my conversations are with you without you. So many days. Remind me to pull through before I start counting and counting down till the day I’m in the ground. Wind was so cold today it tore right through my clothes, and I let it: to feel something, something other than me making me feel me. Something other than you making me shiver. And I want to be 16 again. And I want to be 35. And I want to go back in time and put away your knife. Today I see how much you still mean to me. Today I long for your company, for you to show me that I’m still in your life. I need your words, your voice, your eyes, your scarred lips. I need your frightened nature, your insecurity, your friendship, your love. I need you like you need to breathe. I’m scared, and I want to walk around with you.

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