Celestial bodies.

So often do I wonder about my existence, about what I am and what reason there is for my being. I’m in near constant doubt about what matters and what doesn’t when trying to find the core. There are so many layers to peel off, but how soon have you peeled off one too many? When do I end up accidentally letting go of something that is inherently me? I doubt. I wonder and I doubt. Until nights like this where I gaze up at a perfect sky and am reminded of the solidarity of the universe. How everything is energy and matter. How we’re all just atoms. And so I tilt my head back and look at my brother who is the Northern Star, and I blow a kiss to sister Moon. For we’re all in this together. We’re all emitting light and breaking waves. We’re the sound and the fury. We’re everything that ever was and ever will be. We’re just constellations, stellar and grounded. And we will change in shape and form, but always will we stay energy and matter. Yes, like the stars I am a bundle of energy moving through time and space one life-form at a time, but unlike them I was imagined into existence. I was thought of and then created. Without the imagining, my form right now would not be human. And that, I believe, is the great plague of all human kind. To know that we’re nothing but energy and matter, yet knowing that we, unlike the rest of the universe, were imagined into existence – we have a creator in a different sense than the stars, the trees, the oceans and the black that surrounds and lives in everything do. With our level of imagining and planning we even have a creator in a different sense than our fellow animals on this here planet. And then how can you be just energy and matter when you know you were created? Don’t we create with a purpose? Isn’t our judgment of our creation dependant on how well it lives up to our expectations? And isn’t that the most scary thing in the world; knowing that we are those creations – and some of us those creators. Doesn’t that make us so much more than energy and matter? I love the universe and I respect it. But I do wish it had been created with a purpose. It seems so silly that we should stand here, hand in hand, so little energy and matter between the two of us, and yet you matter more than all the stars on the sky. Even with all the light they bring into our lives, it wouldn’t be losing them, but losing you, that would forever darken my nights.

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