Promising planets and promising suns.

I’m still in a giant sinkhole. Those poems just don’t want to write themselves. I don’t think I’ve ever struggled so much with words. Okay, that’s not fair. I have plenty of words going for me, but they all turn into songs or stay put as merely a line or two that I write down and pledge to use later for some grand epic poem which I never come around to. They just end up sitting there in some forgotten notebook. I always think it quite romantic, writing down sweet little lines in my notebooks. But the romance really is killed when I end up leaving the notebook somewhere in all my trash. I ought to do some major cleaning up in my room. Generally, I think I just don’t do enough stuff. I’m really feeling the summer break this year. Just lying around, reading books, listening to music, riding my bike on longish trips. That probably has to do with my lack of stringing-together-poems. There aren’t enough experiences in my days. I feel like I really need to force things to happen if I want them to. But then you called me. Out of nowhere, on a really slow night, you called me. We hadn’t spoken for years, hadn’t shared words for most of the last month, and suddenly you’re in my ear, and I’m in yours, and we’re talking to each other. It’s difficult for me to express just how glad I was to hear your voice. I miss you terribly, and at first it was kind of weird. I’m always amazed by how much of a Copenhagen dialect you have. It’s uncanny, I don’t know anyone else who is so rooted in their dialect! But I got used to it again, and I remembered so much about you that I hadn’t forgotten but just hadn’t thought of in a long while. I remembered lying down and talking in a tent in the middle of the night. Both when we were so much younger and then again when we were not so young anymore. I remembered walking around in your town the very first time we met. I still smile just thinking about that day. You’re… wauw, you’re special. And I really ought to move on, to think otherwise or at least not let these emotions get to the forefront of my mind. But I can’t. You really have a special place in my heart and thoughts. You inhabit them like no one else ever has. I think about how much I wanted to hold your hand. Just hold your hand. Just to get that tiny bit closer to you. Man, I fell so hard for you. I still think your name is the most beautiful sequence of letters that can be written. I’m glad I can blame this on the night and the melancholy it brings with it. Nevertheless, though, I miss you dearly. I long to be with you. Just you and me, somewhere far away from the world. Just the two of us and the nature. If I could get that, I would have the excitement I’ve needed all through this year. If I could just get you for a day or two. Or the rest of our days. If I could just get you. Everything else I do is a waste.

You, you won’t talk about what we see when the lights are out
And I’m willing to hold your hand while you’re lost,
while you’re so full of doubt
Walk for miles, on your own loose ends, I’ll find you there
I’ll find you there

You, you walk up thin blue lines possible with reality
And I, I see through small red eyes,
glowing still at your uncertainty
Out of darkness you will come around, I know you will
I know you will
And I’ll find you
And I’ll find you there
(Yo La Tengo: Blue Line Swinger)


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