I suddenly feel rejuvenated. I’ve had some days feeling quite down, as if I couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t know what it was, if it was the realization I wrote about earlier, or if it was something else. Maybe the implications of that realization; the work ahead of me. Maybe it was the exam on Friday and all the work I haven’t done ahead of that yet.
But now everything is good. Now I’m on top of the world. Nothing much has changed. Except the news that Sufjan Stevens is releasing a new album, and choosing to do so on my birthday. And a good afternoon. And a good result on a written exam that I really didn’t know what to expect from.
I’ve talked a lot about kissing tonight. I miss kissing. I haven’t felt a kiss since August. But I’m not about to go out of my way just to get a kiss. Especially not now. I’m committed to this less-heartache route 2015 has in store for me.
Yes, I can feel I can go through with this. I can do anything I set my mind to, as long as it’s something my mind is allowed to be in charge of. And my own heartache is definitely something I have a fair say in.
Tomorrow you’ll see it through
The clouded out disguises put you in the room
And though I wandered out alone
A thousand lights abounded on our home
And I remember every sound it made
The clouded out disguises and the grave
So yeah I know I’m still afraid
Of letting go of choices I have made
(Sufjan Stevens: “All Delighted People”)