When you went out the door last night, I knew for sure I had been hit. How come these revelations always come once you say goodbye? Why can’t you realize it at “hello” and act on it? Why can’t I?
She was born in Spring,
But I was born too late.
Blame it on a simple twist of fate.
(Bob Dylan: Simple Twist of Fate) She wasn’t actually born in Spring, but I was born too late. Well, of course that’s just my first take on it. I don’t know what will come of it. Foreseeing the future has never been one of my strengths.
The new semester has started. I keep getting more and more assured that I am studying the right thing. Philosophy is just outright exciting. I get highs when I find out I’m excited about philosophical topics in everyday life, when I watch a movie or whatever. I am sure I could be studying numerous other things and find those exciting as well, but right now this is where I really feel at home. This is where I not only want to be, but also where I can feel I am ready to be. I am ready to question the world.
I am still running around to music each and every week. Last night you told me you missed when you were my age and all that mattered to you was music. I think I can show you a way back to those times. Is that the attraction we’ve got? You want to get younger, and I want you to get younger as well? It might be.
My home life has been a bit up and down. I don’t really know why. Or, well, I know why: my roommate has been very up and down. But I don’t really know what’s causing it. I keep asking, but whenever I get a reply, it seems it’s some stuff that has been dealt with, but is still influencing. I hope there’s a “cure” to be found. It’s causing her quite some distress, and I hate to be in the middle of that.
Family-wise everything is going pretty much as usual. Some things are good, some things less so. Everyone is in control of their own destiny, some of us make some of it, some of us don’t. For a long time I didn’t, but now things are moving forward for me. I am writing more, and better. I am making music. I am reading a lot, both philosophy and pure-pleasure-reading. And I am making new friends.
Maybe that’s what’s changing things up. She can feel I am making new friends. I have told her about how I normally change pretty much my entire friend-group every 3rd or 4th year. Some stay there, some come back, some are left for good. It might be that she’s afraid that I will walk out on her. Actually, that seems more plausible than I had expected. Not me walking out on her, but her thinking I will. She has been taking precautions these last couple of weeks. We signed a roommate agreement/contract in case anyone was to move out. We split up our food budget. Heck, I might have found the reason!
Or maybe she’s just planning on kicking me out.
Back to my love life: I don’t know what will happen. I know what I want, but I don’t know if it’s possible. I do know that it would be great, though. And I think you know that as well.
Now I have to go get some freshly washed clothes.