Words can be very hard to come by from time to time, but when you get the flow going, it just goes. I haven’t been able to get around to writing a post for quite some time. I don’t know if it has something to do with hitting post #100 last time, that I felt as if I could use a break… maybe I just didn’t have anything to write, though it feels as if a lot has happened in my life. Maybe too much has happened, and I just hadn’t had time to process it. I still don’t think I’ve quite processed everything that’s been going on.
I’ve had a very fast March. Normally March has always been a slow month – that’s what happens when your birthday is on the very last day of a month: it drags out. It’s like Christmas three months after Christmas. I guess I’m growing up. Birthdays haven’t been as important to me the last couple of years as they were earlier. I used to get really excited about having a day that was just about me, and of course getting presents, deciding what was on the menu, seeing the family, all kinds of things like that. Now it’s just a nice time. I don’t really crave attention. I don’t think I ever have (not as much as some other kids, at least), but I can feel it becoming less of a part of me as the years go by. Now I don’t care as much about the presents anymore, or the day being about me. Now it’s more a day I look forward to because the family gets together, and because it’s actually expected of me to make a substantial part of the food. I like making food, especially when there are more people to enjoy it. Okay, I do still like the day being about me, or at least about my food.
Anyway, the fast March. It started with a family birthday (admitted, my family gets together a lot – big family, many birthdays), where I chatted up the newest member of our family, an au pair from the Vietnamese part of the family. She’s really sweet and the kind of family member I lacked. Someone who’s mentally my age and who’s a bit shy but easy to talk to once you get around to it. Her English is alright, though a bit difficult to understand at times, and her Danish is slowly getting underway. She speaks fluent Vietnamese, but that doesn’t do me much good, does it? Much of my March has been spent talking to her, and yesterday I showed her around in bus and we got ice cream in town (in March… that’s a bit daring – luckily we could sit indoor). I’m really starting to like her. She’s so friendly and just an all-round nice person to be around.
Besides the family party-going-on’s I’ve been going back-and-forth between Fyn and Copenhagen pretty much every week of March. First there was the amazing Savages concert. I’m still high on that one. And a few days later Darkside – whom I thought I was going to miss, and did miss, but because their concert was sold-out, they found a vacant spot in their calendar and came back to Denmark to give another at the same venue. Needless to say I bought tickets as soon as I saw they were doing an extra concert. I think it got sold-out as well, and it’s only fair if it did: they were extraordinaire! Amazing setup they have. Such great sound, and some simple yet very special lights that really made it a concert I think I will remember for all eternity. And now Rikke and Adrian are taking me to a birthday-concert! Mogwai in DR’s Koncertsal, which is like the top venue sound-wise in Denmark. I’m super stoked, but it means another trip to Copenhagen in next week. Busy, busy month. I feel alive!
Rikke got to read some of my poetry a couple of days ago. We have been talking a lot the last couple of weeks. Such a long time since I’ve seen her. We’ve learned quite a bit about each other since the last time we spent time together – only good things. It’s amazing how much you can learn about a person by asking the right questions, compared to the kind of knowing-a-person you get from spending time with them. That’s why I’ve always valued texting, e-mailing, messaging, what-have-you. Not that I’m actively looking for people’s secrets, but you really get to know more sides of a person, when you get that conversation as well as the face-to-face conversation of everyday life. People just have better time to answer when they can do it in writing, and as a consequence of that answer more truthfully, because they have time to weigh their words so they come out right. Well, at least I know I benefit in that way from writing. About the poetry, she had asked me to send her some of my writings, so naturally, I felt my heart beat faster and sweat on the verge of leaving my body. There’s just something about showing your writings to your best friends. It’s a really good feeling when you finally do it, but the moment up to… wauw, that’s nerve-racking. It took me just about a day to get my act together, but finally I sat down and made a collection of writings that I was pleased with: some new, some old, some brand new, some very old, some posted on here. I actually think it ended up making a rather nice collection, and, reading through it, I finally have the real feeling that I might someday become a published writer. It’s pretty good, and quite a lot better than a lot of the poem collections I’ve read. Rikke liked it as well. She was surprised. She had expected it to be good, but not that it would be so rhythmic, so melodic. The rhythm and melody are aspects I’ve only really gotten into my poems about a year ago. But she’s right, that’s what really drives the poems home.
Now I just need to comment a bit on my love life. In the words of Rikke, I’m the most tortured and hopelessly-in-love poet she knows. And it really is amazing. I just make sure to go after girls who are always impossible to get. Either they’re gay or they’re the family’s au pair, or they’re just plain out of my league. There’s always something. And these last weeks I’ve been smitten by some kind of love bug. There’s love everywhere. I can’t look straight ahead: there’s love. I can’t look backwards: there’s the love I’ve just walked past. If I look to either side, I see love I can’t flee from. I need to either be more active; do something to get the love IN my life, instead of just sensing it right on the edge of my being, or else I have to stop focussing on it. It’s no use walking around falling in love with everyone if I’m not letting them fall in love with me. That’s just torture.
I’ve been reading a great blog today, by Savage’s tour manager. I’ve always thought it would be exciting to be on tour – regardless of whether you’re the band or the crew around the band, and the blog has only served to increase my envy of those people! I don’t know if I will ever be a good enough guitarist or singer, or musician-in-any-case, to go on a tour, but maybe I should think about getting a job in music on the crew/management side. I think I would be pretty good at that. And hey, who wouldn’t want a Philosopher Manager?