Let the days of my silly mind continue. During the weekend I only managed to fill even more of my memory space with her. Oh, dear mind, understand that this is impossible. Understand that this is not going to happen, not now, not next week, not ever. Understand that this is something that will only ever materialize into something real inside yourself. Understand that this would be heaven, but will become hell. Open your ears and hear the count to ten, you won’t be saved by the bell.
I just can’t get over how amazing she is. I’m so happy being her friend. It’s amazing walking along with her and talking to her. Friday night through Copenhagen after the concert. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a casual walk from a to b as much as that one. And it came out – I got us to a subject that would let her ask the question (she even follows my inner scripts of dialogue – why does this have to be impossible?), so I could confirm to her what we both knew but had never said, that yes, I had always been crazy about her – from the very first time I saw her. Whenever I’m in a room with her, I just can’t take my eyes off her. She’s got a presence like no other. I just want to be around her. I want to make her smile. God I love it when I can make her smile.
still searching for that great beyond
where we can lie down
no need to work on what we need to get done
fingers finding each other
dear, you’re like no other
at once my love
but trying to be my brother
skipping ahead to our future unresolved
am I just fooling myself
thinking husband and wife is how we’ll be involved
I need to either go ahead and try my all, risking just about everything, or control my feelings and be happy with the way things are, as I was just a couple of weeks ago. Either way I need to pull myself together.