Another day, another assignment.
Yesterday my tutor told me to remember to stop up once in a while and think about what I really think about studying philosophy, weighing up the pros and cons. It seems easy at this point to draw those up. There are only a few cons, being that I have to dedicate myself to assignments when I’d rather have that time to read some other literature than strictly philosophical texts, and that I have to go by train to get to the university. But if those are the only negatives I can find, then I really believe I’m in the right place.
Reading philosophical texts is even something I enjoy – it’s just nice those weeks where I find time to read something a bit different as well. On the plus side of studying philosophy is all kinds of things; great friends with like interests; a greater understanding of many things; recently the discovery that I have the capability to learn some pretty advanced logics. Pretty much everything is just upside right now. And I think I’m slowly learning to deal with that – no longer trying to figure out how I can go back to my emo-winter-self.
It’s nice: when I’m happy, my surroundings are happy. I think this shows for most people in the class, or, at least in my group of friends in the class. Most of us have confessed to normally being winter-depressive people, but so far none of us have really shown that this year. Well, one has, and he’s otherwise the one who hasn’t told anything about it. We’ll have to see if we can make him a bit more glad through the winter, but I just think he’s been hit really hard by the sudden change in weather. I know my good mood has been prolonged by the good autumn weather. Normally it would have been like this; cold and wet, for the last month or so. But it has only just come the last couple of weeks, and now we’re almost in December, which brings its own joy.
We had a party last night. It was a bit disappointing how few people from our year showed up, but the ones who were there had a good time. Not the wildest party by any means, but I don’t think any of us were really up for a wild party, what with the writing of the assignment and so forth. But it was good, it’s always good to see people from the other years, our tutors, people from other studies, and of course just to be able to have a bit of extra fun with my friends. Some of us come some distance from Odense, so we can’t just always hang out with people, if we want to get home in time to get some food, get some sleep, get ready for the next day.
Of course I especially like hanging out with you. By now we really click, and he said he saw my other friend making eyes with her friend when we talked and talked on end, making constant insider-jokes, getting each other completely and wholeheartedly. He said their eyes seemed to say there was something going on. We didn’t know that. Or, at least you didn’t. She always knows when I fancy someone, and I’m sure she could tell I fancy you. But after he told you that, it seemed like perhaps you knew once you thought things over. And you were okay with it. That’s the great thing about this. I think you know I fancy you, and I know I fancy you, and think you fancy me as well, but we both know that it won’t happen, and so no one thinks wrongly about it. No one thinks there is more to it than there is, and no one gets hurt. No one is left on the sidewalk of life, thinking about love lost, with their heart injured.
It’s positive things like that, that keep me going. In a time where I don’t really find anyone I have a major crush on, which has usually been my way through life, going from one giant crush to the next, I feel like I’m incomplete now that I don’t really have that unrequited love for anyone. That’s probably the closest thing I am to sad, or crazy, these days. And it’s such a shameful thing to be sad over. I’m not in love with someone who can’t love me back, weep. That’s just stupid, and something I should get over as soon as possible. That’s why I’m so glad I’m in the place I am now, and have realized where I am. That this is how real friendship is. That I can have friends all over, that I can have close friends, loose friends, friends I still feel something for, friends I no longer consider my friends, but would be if we were to have a daily routine together again. All kinds of friends. And friends are good to have!
I do wonder, though, where I will find my next great love. I think it has to come from outside. I feel like everything has been settled in the depths of our hearts and minds with the people I currently go amongst, and so far I’m pretty okay with not loving anyone – as long as I don’t think about it and force myself to write a blog post about it in my procrastination-time.
Speaking of procrastination, I think I’m just about done with that now. My hands have been warmed up and are ready to go. An assignment on free will. God, I love philosophy.