A day when everything seems like it comes to nothing. Every start is an ending, every good intention is frowned upon. A day off and this is what it amounts to. Copying one of literatures all-time greats and then losing all motivation for the rest of the evening. No longer caring about the good things that happened earlier, they are too distant now. Not even knowing why this is suddenly such a bad evening. Nothing bad has happened. Creativity has been sucked out, but it wasn’t really creativity, it was a stolen idea of stealing someone’s work. It was manual labor, one might call it. It was a work-out for the mind and the fingers. One of the things I hoped to gain from it; increased control over my keyboard. It’s still a learning curve ever since I got a new computer. 5 years with the same keyboard has left its mark. It’s not something easily overcome.
Writing my way out of a dark mind always seems to work. There’s always a bright spot up ahead. That’s why I’ve always advised you to try it. Because my own experience tells me it’s a good idea, a great way of getting rid of the negative thoughts. You just have to commit to it, commit to the writing instead of staying committed to the oppressing thoughts. No, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve probably never been in as dark a place as you are, but I wish you’d listen to me. And maybe you do, maybe you don’t. I don’t even know anymore.
I don’t think I will put any tags on this blog post. It’s really not meant for other eyes than my own. And to my eyes it’s only a reminder of how easily I can get out of a dark place. How quickly my mind can shift. I still don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing. I rarely burst into flames in anger, or break out in tears, but inside I am constantly shifting, twisting, turning. There are things that want to come out, that maybe I should let out once in a while. I don’t know it that’s what causes my shifty mind, that I keep it inside myself. (Don’t worry, it’s not some big thing, or a bunch of little things, it’s really nothing. I think.)
Getting a big assignment tomorrow. Wanted to read a fiction before that. Can’t quite make it now. I will just have to pull through with the assignment. Write a bunch on it the first, second and third day. Hopefully already enter the editing phase by then, so I can get started on a book. Hopefully more of the books I have ordered will have arrived by that time.
I think my now more-at-ease mind wants to hear some music, and end this very introspective blog post. I don’t know what I’m going to put on. Though I have a hunch it will be something in the neighbourhood of Talk Talk. Maybe not in the neighbourhood, maybe simply just Talk Talk. Seems fitting. Yes. Laughing Stock or Spirit of Eden, whichever’s lowest in the stack.