Today has felt like the start of some great big adventure! I didn’t think it would turn out this way, but I’ve really felt like… something else. My mind has been racing around future-stuff; moving out; starting on an education; what kind of person I am><what kind of person I want to be.
I have these days from time to time, but they rarely get me thinking constructive thoughts, as has happened today. Normally, I would just walk around – without contact lenses, for effect – thinking grand thoughts of this world. Thoughts that will surely do me good in Philosophy, but don’t do me much good these days.
Today, it was all about narrowing down what I really want to do with my life – in the near future. Where I want to live when I start at the University. Who (if any) I want to live with. And I felt a burst of change in my personality. Now, I know better than to think that change will stay on for much longer than a week, but the changes are appearing more frequently now. I really feel like it’s starting to take shape. Turning me into a much more social person.
I wonder what it will do to me as a person when I’m on my own, if it will do anything at all. I hope I can still feel good being alone. I’ve always been contempt with solitude, and I really wouldn’t want that to change. It would ruin so much of what I’ve build up.
I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. If there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that I can’t really force these changes on myself. They just happen when they so please, and I have to ride it out – it’s sort of a bumpy ride, those days when it all goes down. I’m constantly ON. I’m sharp. I know exactly what to say at any given time, and know when to not say anything at all. Maybe I’m just Bitzie 2.0 on these occasions.
Well, enough of this already. What I really wanted to do, was listen to The Knife’s new album. So I’ll go do that now. Should be good.