You’re still here.

So, I thought this was done with. Over. Time to move on.

Easier said than done, I guess. You’re still lingering in the back of my mind. Even as I’ve succeeded in not thinking about you nearly as much as I used to, the thought still pops up every now and then. That thought: the “maybe..” thought. As long as it keeps haunting me, I won’t get anywhere. I will be in the exact spot I’ve been for the last four years.

I need to know that it’s never going to happen. I need to know for sure, so I can clear my head and get a fresh start. A fresh start in this tiresome world that has sucked out all the life energy I ever had. I need to see it all in colors again. I need to feel the things around me. The wind, the rain, the snow, the touch.

As it is now, I’m not doing anything at all. And I don’t want to do anything. I’ve simply lost the will to make anything of this life. I’ve become content with waiting. Waiting for you – and you’re never going to happen.

If I could only get myself to understand that.

This world has so much to offer, there are so many things I have yet to try. It’s about time I got back out there. Took a chance, instead of saying “well, you did this — you did that” when I know perfectly well, that I didn’t do a thing. Whenever I take “a chance,” the result has been ever so clear from the very beginning of my planning, be it brief or thorough.

Even though this life seems extremely long, it’s still too short to sit around and wait for something that will never come.

It’s time I leave you behind. And I try, I really do.

But you’re still here.

What bothers me most
What makes my head spin
and ache in terrible pain
Is the closeness of you.

When it never was
and never will be
Then what am I playing at?
You were never near.

Struck out for the third time
Struck out forever
I can only sink so low
let me get up now.

I’ll have a word with Cupid
Show him he cost me a tear
Maybe break his arrows
But you’re still here.


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