Killing me.

After what has seemed like forever, you finally dumped your boyfriend. The guy you’ve been complaining about for 3 years.

After what has seemed like forever, you finally gave me reason to hope that this would be our year.

After what was no more than a few hours after you broke it off with your boyfriend, you’re making out with a new guy — old enough to be your father.

This time, I thought you would finally come around. I was certain, that you were through being someone’s trophy girl, and ready to be someone’s girlfriend. I’ve come so far now as to think, that it doesn’t have to be me. I really hope it will be me, but most of all I just wish you finally start looking for a different type of guy. Someone who will treat you right, and give you the strength to trust yourself based on other things than the fact that they’re willing to sleep with you. Someone who would actually love you, like I have loved you ever since I met you.

You make me feel like every character in every movie where “he” can’t get “her”. Most of all, you make me feel like Forrest Gump standing at the bottom of the stairs, “I know what love is”.

If you’d only give it a chance, or at least tell me whether or not I have anything to hope for. You know how I feel, you know you mean the world to me. And I’m afraid I just can’t keep going on like this. It hurts me too much, seeing you go from one guy to the other, only lead by your constant need to have someone close to you. Can’t you see you’re hurting yourself? Can’t you see you’re hurting me?

I know it’s your own decision, but you say it’s wrong as well.

I often wonder how my life would’ve panned out, had I never met you through all those wicked coincidences. I would probably have done a ton better in school. My social life would have been more steady. Instead, I never once did anything in school because I always just sat and thought of you. Instead, I could never keep up with the conversation in the lunch break because I always just sat and thought of you.

Maybe I will read this in 10 years and laugh at how hooked I could be on a girl who ended up never feeling the same for me, as I did for her. Hopefully I’ll read this in 10 years and realize this experience really taught me something about myself that I later put to good use.

But right now, all I can think is, that your now-ex boyfriend amplified all your worst tendencies, just as I feared he would, and that’s why you’ve now been able to let yourself get drawn in by a man twice your age, who has already told you it isn’t going to go anywhere.

Can’t you see you’re hurting yourself?

Can’t you see you’re killing me?

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