Existential crisis.

Some might call it that.

Well, that’s how fast the mood can change. From living on a high just a few days ago, to suddenly being back in my depressive mindset.

Only fear
Can make you feel lonely out here
You learn to accept
Whatever you can get
Whatever you can get

(Deerhunter: Sailing) I think the trigger was a dream I had just before I woke up. My dream girl was kissing some bloke. Man it irritated me. In the dream as well as during the day. And it just comes ever so inconveniently, as I had just had a talk to a friend the evening before of how in love I am. Of how certain I am, that I will end up with my dream girl.

Walking free
Come with me
Far away
Every day

(Deerhunter: Desire Lines) Then again… perhaps the dream was just a wake-up call to myself. When asked to describe the term “dream girl/boy” to my friend, I told her it was a person that you’re so in love with, that you dare not even fully show it to them. Simply because you’re too afraid that the dream will be spoiled — instead of focusing on the opportunity of it leading to something great. Really great.

I actually think I – for once – am on to something here. At least this seems quite positive? That… my mind threatened me; it will destroy the dream of her and I ending up together if I don’t do something about it. If I don’t try to take things a step further?

And people say blogging is overrated. This is just the realization I needed on a day like this. Sweet. (Get ready for my post “dreams are not to be analyzed.” when it all goes terribly wrong.)

Well, then.. this kinda ruins the entire foundation for this post. Nah, what the heck. There’s all kinds of wrongness still to be talked about. Though I aced my two presentations in school today, the teacher in social study didn’t seem all too pleased. Well, why would she? I’m working against her and have been the entire year. But oh dear lord, give me a proper article to discuss. “Families split up” Wow. Exciting. Not like we all know that. Not like we have discussed that in the class a trillion times already. I’m only asking for something with a bit more substance. A bit more relevance. Something new. Something that’s interesting.

No one cares for me
I keep no company
I have minimal needs
And now they are through with me

(Deerhunter: Helicopter) There’s just too much waste in this world. Wasted education. Wasted time. Why do we talk about social changes? Not because they happen, but because people want to see some change. Thus finding it, spreading it through the news stream. People read it (well, they’re force-fed through their TV at least) and think; oh, those highly educated people must be right! Let’s follow the change in society. So, people create the change they were told was there all along.

And now we’re here. In this sickening network-job-money society. Bring me back to farming. Back to when every little town, group or family took care of themselves. Grew the food on their own, spent time together instead of one going to a job in one town and the other in another while the kids go to school in a third. And what are we taught in the schools? That the society is changing. So we follow.

Where do your friends go?
Where do they see you?

What did you want to be?

Ahh shut the hell.

(Deerhunter: He would have laughed)


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