I feel the need to get some things off my chest.

I just don’t know how, really.

I often feel like no one will ever listen to me, listen to what I have to say. Perhaps I don’t talk quite loud enough. Perhaps I’m too often outside the “circle” to get noticed when I finally want to contribute to the discussion. It mostly happens around my friends, but last night it also occured during a family dinner. I was left wondering: should I just stay quiet at all times instead? Since it often seems to make no difference at all, whether I say something or not.

I have a few friends who always tend to listen to me. I think that’s where you find your true friends – and they aren’t always the ones you thought they’d be. One, and he’s the one I’ve always got, is my best friend. Been that since childhood. I can always count on him, likewise; he can always count on me. But then there are the odd ones. Those you never thought would turn out to be your best mate. But then there are those you don’t really know about, but try to predict. Over the last months, it’s become ever so clear to me that I’ve had my money on the wrong one of two friends from my class. Should have seen it a long time ago, but.. yeah. Didn’t really notice before Roskilde Festival. This other person, whom I at first didn’t treat as well as the person deserved, has truly kicked some well-deserved butt in the ‘competition’ between the two. It’s no longer a race. There’s a winner. If you can call it a victory, winning the right to be my friend. Hah.

Roskilde just cleared up so many things. Though there’s still a mystery to be solved when it comes to my girlfriend. Everything is good – except she’s leaving after summer break and I’ll hardly get to see her at all. Once, twice a month perhaps. We need to talk about that. I wish she could just start at my High School right away.. but that’s not the case. No love  without a struggle, it seems.

God I have a great taste in music.

It’s a fear. It is near. The shape becomes ever clear.
It bares teeth extra sharp that’ll cut you in the heart.
It attacks really quick, try and fight it with a stick.
There’s no use, give it up, this is life and this is love.

(Grizzly Bear: “Alligator”) Horn of Plenty just keeps on rising in my rating of the best albums around. It’s so beautiful, so sincere. It’s real, home-made. It’s true. Honest. The kind of album that you can just keep on listening to. Time after time. So I do.

I’ve often talked about how I like darkness. I still do. It never fails to amaze me. When put together with music, wauw – each time. You can’t see the speakers. There’s just a few lights surrounding the music, random stand-by lamps from other stuff. You can’t see where the sound comes from. You can only hear it, enjoy it. You feel it.

I’d like to be blind, if that’s how it is when you can’t see. If you then get a better feel for people instead, because you don’t judge based on their looks. No matter how much you try and how many times you say that you’re all about what’s inside of people; you can’t deny that first and foremost, you look at them. If they don’t appeal to you, there’s a lesser chance of you ever getting to talk to them. You could miss your soulmate on that basis. – yes, I believe in soulmates. And I think I’ve already found mine.

You are my alligator.

You are my alligator.

(Grizzly Bear: “Alligator”)


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