When all is dark.

My room is dark.
My music, The xx, is quite dark.
My thoughts are dark.
Everything is dark.

This is when I feel brightest.

And you just keep on getting closer

(The xx “Crystalized”) When I’m in this state of mind, that’s when I think of you. When I believe there’s hope. I know you’re just as into darkness as I am. You like to hear the same music, when in a dark room. Your thoughts are just as dark, and you believe that, at this very moment, everything is dark. Which is the way you want to keep it as well.

Please don’t say we’re done when I’m not finished
I could give so much more
[…]
Sometimes I still need you
Sometimes I still need you

(The xx “Heart Skipped a Beat”) But in the end, you end up walking out on me. Time after time again. I should take it as a sign. If you can’t make up your mind. When you can’t make a choice.

Even though I’ll never need her
Even though she’s only giving me pain
I’ll be on my knees to feed her
Spend a day to make her smile again
[…]
Even though I’m not her minder
Even though she doesn’t want me around
I am on my feet to find her
To make sure that she is safe and sound

(Kings of Convenience “Winning a Battle, Losing the War”) But I can’t just leave my feelings behind. Perhaps I’m not really that much better than you. Perhaps you are thinking the same thoughts about me right now. But why do we do this?

Why do I even write this stuff? It’s ruining the image of me being truly happy. But I am. Though I shouldn’t. Or should I? Does this mean, I’m finally over you? Ready to go on in my life?

I can’t give it up
To someone elses touch
Because I care too much
[…]
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up
Give it up
I can’t give it up…

(The xx “Infinity”) But I just can’t move on like that, if there ever even was anything to move on from. Admitted, I’m a sucker for love – even the love that only really exists in my head. This, I’m sure, though, existed for real.

If stars shouldn’t shine
By the very first time
Then dear it’s fine
So fine by me
‘Cause we can give it time
So much time
With me

(The xx “Stars”) Perhaps we should give it another shot? We know eachother so well, I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt. It can only get better. What do you say?

If you want me, let me know:
Where do you wanna go?
No need for talking, I already know

If you want me
Why go?

– The xx “Stars”

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