Darkness.

How light is a light?

(Fever Ray “I’m Not Done”) – Karin sings.
Depends on how much darkness there is around the light. If surrounded by too much, the light will not be there. It will blow out. Disappear. Become darkness in its own. If surrounded by a clear blue sky, the light has no limits as to how light it can get.

Right now I’m a stable light. For sure, I’ve got my clouds hanging over me every now and then, but mostly I’m surrounded by brightness. That makes the days so easy to go through. It almost feels as if they go by too quickly. I rarely lie in bed thinking; man, I really took time to enjoy this day! – either I’ve got too little to do, which makes it not-so-enjoyable, or I’ve got my hands on too many things at the same time – good things – which ends up letting me do great things that I just don’t have time to enjoy.

At this very moment, the light around me is made by Jónsi & Alex (look ’em up, they’re gooood (sorry, saw Bruce Almighty yesterday)). Their debut album as a musician pair is so adorable. So beautiful. So heavenly. So indescribable. So perfect for this time at day (11:28 pm) where darkness flows around freely; covering everything up. That’s when the music shines the most. – it practically contradicts the first part of my post. But I don’t care, ’cause it does so in such a manner that words are useless (why am I writing a blog entry ’bout something to which words are useless? Million-dollar question).

I’m a strange human being. I can’t figure out my own mind. I am yin and yang at the same time. My prime at day is during the night. When darkness makes everything disappear. That’s the moment I come alive. But then I go through the music I hear at this time – often Sigur Rós or (now) Jónsi & Alex, which just lightens everything up. It makes me think: is this the way we want it to be? As ‘they’ say: “opposites attract” – do we all have an ongoing battle inside of us, where we seem to search for one thing, but in fact go in the opposite direction, when we’ve found what we searched for?

First song on the album (Riceboy Sleeps, by the way) is called “Happiness” – very describing for the feeling you have, when the album ends. You’ve indeed reached the point of happiness. Some say happiness isn’t real – it can’t be achieved. Others say “happiness only real when shared” (thank you again, Into The Wild). I beg to differ. I believe happiness can be achieved whenever you set your mind to it. I’m best at doing this when it’s dark and I’m listening to the earlier mentioned bands. Others are undoubtedly best at this when they can share the happiness with others. I’m too afraid that something I can’t control will spoil the moment. Sad but true, therefore I prefer to experience this on my own. As a kid who won’t share his gum because of the fear that there’s suddenly none left for him.

Speaking of darkness and light; people who have tried nearly dying often say they saw a bright light. Now, I’m not in no means religious, but I like to think there might be an afterlife in some form. I see that it’s quite unlikely, when not believing that we’re going to heaven or something like that – especially when ruling out the human soul. I believe in brain – not soul. But still, it would be nice to have something to do afterwards. Otherwise, it will all be like a long night without any dreams to remember. I like to think it all ends with a good dream.

I know who would create the soundtrack for my last dream.

If I was to choose.

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