Addiction.

Indeed a funny thing. You’d think, that once you were addicted, nothing could get you out of it. A few days ago I said; I’m addicted to this stuff. What was bound to happen: haven’t really been addicted at all since. Perhaps that’s what smokers need to tell themselves; I’m addicted. I can’t stop smoking. I HAVE to do it. – suddenly it’s just not that interesting anymore. You think about going back to your addiction, yes, but all of a sudden, all other things seem much more relevant.

Never leave me
Walk close beside me
Your hand, my hand
Fits so easy

(from Fever Ray’s “Dry and Dusty”) Don’t really know why it has to be there. The great Karin just sang it through my speakers and I always feel strongly addicted to that first verse. Heck, I’m addicted to the entire song. It’s an amazing song.

Another funny thing about addiction: you can get addicted to everything. But then again, I don’t really believe in addiction. It’s just a thing I say – like every second person is saying “oh, I’m so stressed out!” – no you’re not. You might have a lot on your mind, but that’s not stress – that’s ‘being a human’. I have strong faith in the mind. As said by Christopher McCandless in the movie “Into The Wild”

“I read somewhere… how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong… but to feel strong.”

(great movie, by the way) That’s my way of life. I believe in my abilities. Unlike Christopher McCandless I don’t believe in the existence of “Gods”. In my opinion that moves away focus from yourself and your own accomplishments in life. When you’ve done something good – thank yourself. When you’ve screwed up – tell yourself “that wasn’t good enough”, and then strike back. I believe that, if we set our mind to it, we can accomplish anything. But we have to provide ourselves with the power to do it.

Now, I’ve never been a smoker – nor ever smoked a single cigarette “just to try it” – but I’m sure, if people really wanted to stop smoking, they could do just that. I constantly hear people whining about how unhealthy it is for them to smoke, and how hard they’ve tried. I just don’t think they were ever really that into the idea of quitting the smokes. For sure, it’s a huge change in life. But one could easily argue that it truly is for the better.

And why do I make myself so much better than everyone else? Because I am. In this area, at least. Then of course, I could do much better in other areas of life. i.e. I can’t stop living in the past. I constantly think “what if?” I know it ruins my forward-thinking, but I can’t stop. “Why don’t you just set your mind to it, and stop?” Alright, I’ve chopped off my own legs with this. Yeah, why don’t I?

When it all comes down to it, our addictions are what make us feel safe in this big, ugly world of war and hatred. A cigarette now and then is a sign of peace for some. Thinking “why didn’t I say that?” is a sign of peace for me – hey, at least I have time to think about it, instead of using all my energy on running away from some incoming bomb trying to split me in two.

Are our addictions a necessity if we want to live life in peace and harmony? I come to think so.. (though I’m still not fond of people blowing smoke in my face(!))

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