There is an apartment across from mine where the TV runs from early morning to late night. I’m trying to imagine their stress level, having those pictures constantly flashing. At times I’m wondering if anyone actually lives there, or if it’s just an abandoned apartment with a TV running. I hardly ever see any light on. Right now it’s just dark in all the rooms, save the TV proudly flashing its lights.
The TV is pointed out towards the window, almost as an invitation for us living across to peek in. If my eyesight was better, or if I had a pair of binoculars, I’d be able to tell you what is on the TV. It’s something with quickly changing pictures. But I guess maybe all TV looks quicker from afar when you can’t follow what’s happening. It’s all just pictures.
It’s like watching people you knew in your youth grow up in some place far apart from you. You can’t really understand how they ever grew into adults when you remember them as the kids you played with on the street, despite yourself growing up as a matter of course.
I rarely think about what people see when they see me, but now I’m left wondering what my old school buddies would think if we met up. I’m in the years of reunions. To think I’ve grown that old…
Will they think of me as old? Will they see some difference in me that I don’t notice? Has my hair thinned? Do I have an older expression in my eyes? Have I moved in a direction that none of them ever imagined? Or am I perpetually young? The Peter Pan of my own dreams?
The sky is cloud-streaked tonight. There’s a half-promise of northern lights later. I could use that. I’ve been focused on my visual sensations this week. Taking extra notice of trees and plains I pass, of the books I read, the design on their pages, the fonts, and now the sky as it spreads out all over me.
I remember a young girl on a bus ride once describing the heavy fog outside as “a white wall”. I felt an instant kinship with her. She saw the world and more so she saw through the world and directly into its structure. She knew instinctually of borders and possibilities.
I hope I’ll once again grow to be as wise as a child.